Everybody poops

My kids are ages 7, 6, 4 and 3 years old.  I have been in a constant state of raising babies for quite some time.  Within these last 7 years I have accumulated quite the library of what I call "poo stories".  I have had children finger paint fecal cave drawings in their cribs. I have had the explosive episodes in public without back-up outfits or wipes.  I have even had a child shut down an entire Burger King playground before. Yeah..eww.  I have NEVER had a debacle such as the one I experienced the other day.

When I decided to home school the first and second grader I knew it would come with a great many challenges.  I thought these would be with the children actually requiring the teaching.  I didn't think about the kids who would be under "light supervision" during lessons.  Okay fine, most days the uneducated ones are running around naked with sharp objects.

While I was working on a lesson with Piper, the 6 year old, Shay, the youngest of our children, decided she was going to discover the outside workings of the camper.  I'm honestly shocked it took her nearly 3 weeks to begin this exploration.

All of a sudden I hear her at the door yelling for me.  When I peek out I see Shay standing there, wet, covered in something that didn't look like anything I was wanting to deal with.  I ask, "What happened to you?". 
"I covered in poo."
"What do you mean?  You have to go potty?"
"No, I have poop on me"
"Where did this poo come from, Shay?"
"Jack did it."
"Jack (the 7 year old) pooed on you?"
"Ummm, no.  Help, I stinky."

My husband, Todd,  comes to the door to inspect what is going on and then it hits us both.  Oh holy hell, she was playing with the black water tank, also known as...the shitter.  Yes, Shay had opened the latch to the holding tank and it emptied out onto her.  Sewage was in her hair, on her arms, down her legs and soaking her shoes. Her brothers were also covered in a splashing, be it not as bad as Shay, of crap. 

Todd took the 3 kids around to the outdoor shower attached to the camper to soap them up and hoses them off.  The boys are laughing, thinking it's just about the funniest thing to happen in their short little lives while I am sure it is just about the grossest thing to happen in mine.  The laughter continued until it was explained to them that they have been covered in each others poo.  That ended the fun right quick.  In fact, that bit of knowledge nearly sent Jack's fragile psyche into a tailspin.  Tears were involved.  I would cry, too if I were them! I stayed inside letting Todd deal with the situation on his own.  The smell, made worse by the little tablet that helps break down the tanks contents, made me gag like I was 3 months pregnant and trapped in a whore house filled with cheap scented body lotions. Mid-evil to say the least.

The children required 2 additional showers even after their outdoor scrub down to rid themselves of the ode DE poo they were choking me with.  The stench is still residing in my nostrils. It haunts me.

Eh, shit happens, right?

The Story of Underwear Optional

     Everyday upon returning from work my husband has removed his "public" pants and shimmied into a pair of sweats within 30 seconds of entering the house.  Now, he doesn't work at a place that requires a suit or tie, casual dress code is a must for him to accept a job offer.  Still, obviously jeans are a lot to ask of  him.  The man despises underwear and the fact that leaving the house requires (under my authority) putting them on.  A while back I was joking with him while he was putting on his sweats about finally getting out of constrictive underwear and how wonderful it must feel, poor him to have to deal with that at least twice a week (he telecommutes most the time).  He pauses and says, "yeah, it sucks going out".  Cocking my head to the side I say "Todd, did you even bother to put any on today"?  The reply was, "umm, no, not really".  How do you "not really" put on underwear.  Outside of being an exotic dancer most people sport some sort of undergarment to deal with the outside world.  I could be wrong in this reality I have. 
     Not surprisingly my children share the same view as my husband.  I have to check daily to make sure they have dressed themselves properly.  I can't tell you how many pairs of kid underwear I have found shoved between the couch cushions in their attempt to fool me into the belief they did indeed put on the pair I had laid out for them.  Apparently they are under the impression I'm not the brightest bulb in the box and easily fooled by these tactics.  Okay, fine, most days I am distracted enough for them to get away with it. 
     The number one most fantastic feature of packing up and leaving standard society behind?  Underwear is optional every damn day.  Charming.

And so it begins...

Here we are.  This will be the continues recordings of our family while we travel around the U.S.  We have chosen to ditch the conventional style of life with kids and decided to do it Gypsy style.   Keep checking in for the stories of home school,  life on the road and the all around joys of cramming 2 adults, 4 kids and a handful of cats in a 34' trailer.  Meds? Check. Flask? Check.  Sanity?  Oh right, that's long gone.  Nothing left to lose then, right?  We will see....